Pants 0. Shit 1.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
