i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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