No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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