Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
