it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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