If that was your dad, he is hot
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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