i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
