why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
