So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
