oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
