yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
