her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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