he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
