True but thats because hes a fetus.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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