What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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