I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
