I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
