I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
