You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
