i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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