you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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