too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
