I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
