i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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