she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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