he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
