Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
