dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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