Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
