You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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