He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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