Cold hands, warm shart.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
