If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
