sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
