Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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