yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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