You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
