I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
