And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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