This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
