M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
