I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
