Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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