We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
