So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
