areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
