Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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