Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
