I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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