I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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