Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
