I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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