At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
