I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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