I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
