im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
